Archive for August, 2009

Today’s N-Ah, I Can’t Do It…

31 August, 2009



Screw you guys…

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/31/09

31 August, 2009



What makes me a rockstar, you ask? I go out, tie a few on, and then return home to hit the NYT Sunday puzzle. Let’s DO THIS!!!!!

Liam’s Gem: 8/27/09

27 August, 2009



I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/27/09

27 August, 2009



I like to check iTunes every week to see if I’m featured on a celebrity’s playlist. When I’m not, I spread vicious internet lies about them.

This Shit’s Hilarious…

26 August, 2009

Coldplay Quit

Gwyneth Paltrow has been branded the Yoko Oko of Coldplay — because she’s trying to convince her husband Chris Martin to leave the band and go solo, writes ShowbizSpy and Betty Confidential online tonight.

The actress apparently feels her hubby will do better on his own. “Gwyneth has outright told Chris that he should consider going solo,” a source told Betty Confidential. “She is busy doing all of her projects and she wants him to diversify as well. She doesn’t have a problem with Coldplay, but she wants Chris to think about trying a solo album just to see if he likes it. “When Gwyneth mentioned it, Chris was furious. He loves the band and he has no desire to change things right now. Chris basically ignored her and walked away.”

In 2004, Paltrow said, “People ask if I will sing with the band or do a duet, but always in front of my mind is the Yoko effect. I don’t want to be known as the girl who split up Coldplay.”

Who was your source, a seventh grade girl?

Liam’s Gem: 8/26/09

26 August, 2009



On the Scissor Sisters:

Bright colours and fucking weirdos on stilts? I’m more entertaining than that shit

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/26/09

26 August, 2009



Sometimes when I see an e-mail in the dead of night I think it’s her and she’s changed her mind. But it’s always my X-Box newsletter.

Also, I have joked about JM stealing my life on more than one occasion, now it is getting annoying… I always rant to people about the joys of microwavable White Castle:

Who says I can’t eat microwavable White Castle burgers?


Haha, Jackass…

25 August, 2009



Glenn Beck returns to Fox News Channel on Monday after a vacation with fewer companies willing to advertise on his show than when he left, part of the fallout from calling President Barack Obama a racist.

A total of 33 Fox advertisers, including Wal-Mart Stores Inc., CVS Caremark, Clorox and Sprint, directed that their commercials not air on Beck’s show, according to the companies and ColorofChange.org, a group that promotes political action among blacks and launched a campaign to get advertisers to
abandon him. That’s more than a dozen more than were identified a week ago.

While it’s unclear what effect, if any, this will ultimately have on Fox and Beck, it is already making advertisers skittish about hawking their wares within the most opinionated cable TV shows. The Clorox Co., a former Beck advertiser, now says that “we do not want to be associated with inflammatory speech used by either liberal or conservative talk show hosts.” The maker of bleach and household cleaners
said in a statement that it has decided not to advertise on political talk shows.

See, not everyone believes that Fox News is the best way to reach consumers… dumbass…

More Here…

Fail…

25 August, 2009

Liam’s Gem: 8/25/09

25 August, 2009



Finally reports in smartarses column about Oasis last british gig ever. The kids talking out his arse, I mean rkids, bware of darkness. LG

And, a classic just for good times (from 05):

If I wasn’t a musician I don’t know. I’d be God, maybe? That would be a good job.

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/25/09

25 August, 2009




I was just thinking, it’s so great to be out of schooling. No more people bullying each other, bringing one another dow- oh, wait.

Liam’s Gem: 9/24/09

24 August, 2009



I don’t go out and get wasted. I’ve got kids and they’re getting to that age when they’re like, ‘How come you get to lie in bed all day and I’ve got to go to school?’

Today’s Noelism: 8/24/09

24 August, 2009



Don’t feel too clever. Outrageous stomach ache. Feel like I’m coming down with summat. Bugger. Might have to get the doctor out in the morning. Hope it came out of the speakers ok. Gutted.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Oasis cancelled hours later and didn’t end up playing “tomorrow” as Liam came down with Viral Laryngitis… how ironic. Also, why didn’t Noel and Gem at least make an appearance? It would seem that Neol respects, at the very least, Liam’s presence enough to not assume that the show could go on without him…

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/24/09

24 August, 2009



Why are some bottled fruit drinks filled so high that they inevitably splash on you when you open them? I need an acceptable miniscus.

It’s not loneliness. It’s called “solitary refinement.”

Liam’s Gem: 8/21/09

21 August, 2009



I’m into the girls fancying me, mad for it. Get a bit worried if boys started fancying me. I’ve got nothing against gays – as long as they don’t pinch me on the bum or whatever.

Today’s Noelism: 8/21/09

21 August, 2009



Talking of which, I’m at Kings Cross Station. Former home of Russell Brand. Catching a train to York. Got a gig tonight at a health spa in Bridlington. A warm up for that V Festival this weekend. If you’re coming, I’ll see you there. I’ll be stage right. Being brilliant.

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/21/09

21 August, 2009



Comedy’s moved from making the audience say “that person has upended my understanding of an idea” to “that person mentioned a thing I know!”

Liam’s Gem: 8/20/09

20 August, 2009



On going to concerts (other than his own):

Fuck that. What’s the point? The bands are all shit, aren’t they? Go out to socialise and have some student stand on your fucking shoes?

Today’s Noelism: 8/20/09

20 August, 2009



New song Noel was trying out at soundcheck in hong Kong. I think this has surfaced before, hasn’t it? Either way, sounds like another good Noel track, albeit barely audible at times…

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/20/09

20 August, 2009



I wonder if someday when I’m married I’ll have sex with my wife and then out of habit check to make sure she didn’t steal my watch. Me: “Well, I should probably get going.” Her: “John, you live here.”

Holy Crap…

20 August, 2009

Maybe he’ll find Amelia Earhart…



WELLINGTON (Reuters) – A New Zealand man has been dubbed the Lord of the Ring after he searched and found his wedding ring more than a year after it slipped off his finger and sank to the sea floor.

The ring was lost for 16 months in the harbor of the country’s capital city, Wellington, before Aleki Taumoepeau found it shining on the sea floor, the DominionPost newspaper reported on Thursday.

“The whole top surface of the ring was glowing,” Taumoepeau, an ecologist, said.

Taumoepeau had been married for just three months when he lost the wedding ring while conducting an environmental sweep of the harbor.

He roughly marked the spot where the ring had flown from his finger, but was unable to find it despite returning to the area many times.

Taumoepeau’s wife offered to buy another ring, but he refused, pledging to find the ring.

But, equipped with new global satellite based coordinates and offering up a quick prayer, he found the ring after an hour’s search.

“I couldn’t believe that I could see the ring so perfectly,” Taumoepeau said.

He said those with him on the boat at the time the ring flew off his finger had likened it to a similar, slow motion shot from The Lord of the Rings, much of which was filmed in Wellington by local director Peter Jackson.

Awesome…

19 August, 2009



“Ma’am, trying to have a conversation with you, would be like trying to have a conversation with a dining room table.” That is great.

Today’s Noelism: 8/19/09

19 August, 2009




If I ever get to go to the moon, I’ll probably just stand on the moon and go ‘Hmmm, yeah…fair enough…gotta go home now.

Liam’s Gem 8/19/09

19 August, 2009



“I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go, ‘What a good-looking fuck you are.’”

JM’s Words of Wisdom: 8/19/09

19 August, 2009



With as much as I dream, I don’t know why I even look forward to sleeping. It’s basically just more wacky shit for another 7 hours.

Amen…